Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
