hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
