I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
