I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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