Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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