I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just had sex on a roof
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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