i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
