just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
