I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
