My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
