with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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