Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
