Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
