Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
