It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
