things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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