I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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