blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
