Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
