Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
