did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Houston, we have a squirter
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
