worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
