So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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