ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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