Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
