I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
