dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
