you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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