So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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