i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
