Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
