He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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