Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
