oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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