guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
