You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
