Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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