Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's like iHOP with fire
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
