i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
