My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
