i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My penis needs a shock collar
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
