Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
