I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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