Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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