why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
