marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
