First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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