4 words: hood of his car
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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