If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So vagazzling was a success
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
