dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
