I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So squirting runs in the family.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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