All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
