Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
