You smell like a Billy Joel song
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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