1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
