guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
