im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
