it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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