I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
