Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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