Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
