Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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