Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
