i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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