if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
